Touching someone you deeply love will arouse you and you need to be prepared for that. Once we held hands, we wanted to kiss (just to be blunt). If you allow physical touch in your courtship, there may come a time you realize it’s becoming obsessive and you need to gear back. If you’re touching just to touch (because that’s what romantic relationships are all about), you are sending the wrong signal to the other person.It’s not wrong—perfectly good and natural for a couple pursuing marriage. Several times throughout our engagement, Teresa and I quit holding hands for a while because it felt like we were beginning to rely on it as they primary way of feeling secure. If you’re not committed to marriage, holding hands can make it feel like you are.In fact, for some it may be a proper complement that only deepens meaning after marriage. A common passage used against touch in courtship is 1 Corinthians 7:1-2. “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: [It is] good for a man not to touch a woman.
As we went through that experience, and as I think about it now two and half years after marriage, there are six conclusions I have about physical touch in courtship that I think are important to consider.
If your parents want you to have a hands-off courtship, you need to honor that and trust that they have your best in mind—because they do.
What if by looking carefully at the times surrounding me I could see if physical touch in courtship is right or wrong?
Take a look at ways you have failed in the past and ask yourself, “In light of that, what is the wisest thing for me to do in relation to physical touch in courtship?
And, honestly, other people can tell our maturity better than we can. One of the biggest mistakes a couple can make is fail to communicate about touch—even if they’re “hands-off.” They never know what each other is thinking. If a couple dates and decides they want to get married, the courtship was successful!
Or if they decide marriage is not for them and the separate, the courtship is still successful.Even more than expressing feelings, physical touch is an expression of .Feelings come and go throughout the journey of courtship, but you want to base your touch and endearments on how committed you are to the other person.A healthy couple needs to constantly communicate about touch even if they make a specific commitment. It can also bind the couple to a commitment that isn’t necessarily needed for purity. I wonder what Isaac and Rebecca did, since they’re the classic example of courtship. It literally means “to have sexual intercourse.” Paul is actually quoting what they had written him about: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” He responds in verse two by saying “to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife and every women her own husband.” This passage isn’t talking about simple physical touch, but is acknowledging the temptation to sexual sin and that it’s good for a man to have one wife and a woman to have one husband because of it.Sometimes commitments like this give a false sense of maturity. I think there’s an even more biblical way than just declaring “hands-off.” Though scripture doesn’t address touch in courtship directly, there are numerous key principles we can pull from it to help us sort through this issue.” Think about your current circumstances and again ask the question. Considering the marriage you hope to have, what is the wisest thing for you to do now in courtship?