But not like the rich, old ones who keep touring until they're 90.
More like the one-hit wonders who aren't really that good and are bankrupt by 25. What to expect: Remember how loosely you threw around the word "love" when trying to hook up with girls at frat house parties?
What to expect: You think your college girlfriend who was pushing marriage Junior year was rushing it? It’s a huge cultural taboo, and not at all a source of humor.
Which is how we managed to avoid awful '80s punchlines like “In Soviet Russia, condom wears you! A lesser-known export: Its women -- who will expect you to be the electrician, plumber, cook, servant, and a man of the house that doesn’t drink too much. What she thinks about you: American men are seen as more faithful than our Dominican counterparts, and even though the women are culturally encouraged to marry within the DR, many will tire of their first husband’s tom-cattery and seek more-monogamous, Visa-bearing pastures.
What to expect: Your days of leaving beer cans and pizza boxes on the coffee table are over.
Colombian women make Marine Drill Instructors look sloppy, so your house better shine.
What to expect: Since many Dominicanas are, as Shakira put it, “loco con my tiguere” (meaning they trust you about as far as Pat Burrell could throw you), don’t be surprised if that email from a female coworker saying “I want you to CC me” ends up getting you a melon baller to the head.
The dirty: Dominican women are as liberated as men when it comes to sex in monogamous relationships, so make sure you can get the job done, slugger.The dirty: The Philippines is, as described to us by a native Filipino, “basically an entire country of naughty Catholic schoolgirls”.Which, if you attended Catholic school or saw that one sketch in The lowdown: There are basically two kinds of Russian mail-order brides: The traditional one who wants to stay home, cook, clean, and raise the kids, and the newer, urban variety, who pretty much want to move to America, live like Kanye, and lists “shopping” as her main occupation (because it's true).Or, if you’re morally opposed to homework -- but not against online fiancé shopping -- manage your expectations.What she thinks about you: Americans in the Philippines are basically rock stars.But buyer beware -- women from different countries often have different "love connection" expectations when agreeing to allow you to pay them to move to the US.